Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
