i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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