When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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