Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
