They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
