I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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