Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
