When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
