I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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