Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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