Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
