All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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