I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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