His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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