We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
