I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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