Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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