There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
