I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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