We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
