this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
