Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
