One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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