Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize