it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
