cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
