he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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