If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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