Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
