do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
