Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
