Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
