Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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