help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
