Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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