I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
