You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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