the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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