I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
