I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
