I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
