Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
