best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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