A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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