I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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