sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
