just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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