so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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