i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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