This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
