I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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