new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
