Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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