booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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