I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
