how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
