This is not my ceiling
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
