How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
