Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
