I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
