If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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