if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
