Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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