Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
