I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was like eating out sand paper
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
