i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
