tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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