Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
