Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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