Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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