i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
