It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
