Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
