Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
