legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
