I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
