Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
